The Jehovahs Witnesses Never Came Again

Amber Sawyer was just eight years old when it happened.

She was watching cartoons on the living room floor of her Mississippi dwelling when she heard the bang.

She went to investigate and plant her 21-yr-one-time sister, Donna, dead in her bed. She had shot herself in the center with their begetter'south hunting burglarize weeks subsequently being excommunicated by their church for getting engaged to a non-Jehovah'southward Witness.

For Sawyer — who sat on the sleeping accommodation floor most her sis'south body for hours that day, waiting for her mother to come dwelling from her door-to-door missionary piece of work — it was the outset of a long, painful journeying that would one mean solar day tear her family apart.

Years later, Sawyer got excommunicated, also, afterward seeking a divorce from an abusive husband. She concluded up leaving the hubby — and the faith. Her family cutting all ties.

"Jehovah's Witness kids abound upwards knowing that if they ever mess upwards, their parents will leave them — and that'due south scary," Sawyer, at present 38, said in a recent interview from her home in Pascagoula, Miss. "The shunning is supposed to brand us miss them so much that we'll come back. … It didn't work."

Sawyer and many others like her are now denouncing the church's shunning practices in the wake of a contempo murder-suicide in Keego Harbor that killed a family unit of four ex-Jehovah'due south Witnesses who were ostracized afterwards leaving the faith. The deaths sparked outrage among scores of ex-JWs nationwide who took to Facebook, online forums, blogs and YouTube, arguing the tragedy highlights a pervasive however rarely-publicized problem within the church: Shunning is pushing the most vulnerable people over the border, they say, and tearing families apart.

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In the Michigan case, a distraught female parent shot and killed her married man, her two grown children and herself in their Keego Harbor home, shocking the small and tranquility Oakland County customs.

The shooter was Lauren Stuart, a part-time model and personal trainer who struggled with depression and spent much of her time working on her business firm, her friends say. She and her husband, Daniel Stuart, 47, left the JW organized religion more a decade agone over doctrinal and social issues. Among them was their want to ship their kids to college, which many ex-JWs say is frowned upon by the church and viewed equally spiritually unsafe.

"Academy and higher campuses are notorious for bad behavior​ — drug and booze corruption, immorality, cheating, hazing, and the list goes on," a 2005 article in the Watchtower, the church building'due south official publication, stated.

Merely the Stuarts sent both their kids to college: Steven, 27, excelled in computers, just like his begetter, who was a data solutions architect for the University of Michigan Medical School. Bethany, 24, thrived in art and graphic design. After the parents left the religion, the Stuarts were ostracized past the Kingdom Hall — the churches where Jehovah'southward Witnesses worship — customs in Marriage Lake and their families, friends said.

Lauren Stuart, whose female parent died of cancer when she was 12, struggled with mental disease that went untreated; isolation and fears that the terminate was nigh, said friends and officials familiar with the case. One friend who requested anonymity said she believes the killing was the outcome of depression, non religion.

"This is a tragedy that has to do with a disease. Depression is so prevalent, and when it goes untreated this is what happens," the friend said. "She needed medical help."

Longtime family friend Joyce Taylor believes depression, shunning and faith-based doomsday fears all played a role. She said that about six weeks before the killings, Lauren started getting religiously preoccupied and telling her "'Information technology'due south the terminate times, I know it is.'"

Weeks later on, Taylor saw her friend again. Lauren had a vacant wait in her eyes. She was emotionally distressed.

A week later, with her home busy for Valentine'due south Twenty-four hours, Lauren Stuart killed her family. She left behind a suicide note.

"She said in the suicide note that she felt that by killing them it was the only way to relieve them," recalled Taylor, who said police permit her read the alphabetic character. "She said she's sorry that she has to exercise this, but it was the but manner to salve them all."

Taylor, a former Jehovah's Witness herself who left the faith in 1986, explained: "Jehovah's Witnesses believe that if you lot die on this side of Armageddon, yous'll be resurrected in paradise."

In Lauren Stuart's case, Taylor believes her friend never deprogrammed after leaving the church building — a country she describes as "physically out, only mentally in." She believes that Lauren's indoctrinated doomsday fears never left her, and that the shunning helped button her over the border.

Had she non been excommunicated by her tight-knit community that was once her entire support system — left with no i to share her fears with — Lauren Stuart may not accept done what she did, Taylor believes.

"People practice things when they are desperate," Taylor said. "And that was an extreme, drastic deed."

Shunning "can lead to great trauma amid people because the Jehovah's Witnesses are a very tight-knit customs," said Mathew Schmalz, a religious studies associate professor at the College of Holy Cross in Worcester, Mass.

"If you're separated out, you're really left to your own devices in means that are very challenging and very painful," Schmalz said. "Once you get out a group that'due south been your whole life — letting that go is a kind of death."

Police take non yet disclosed details most the death of the Stuart family besides calling it a murder-suicide.

The tragedy has emboldened many in one case-quiet ex-JWs to speak up. Many say they suffered quietly on their own for years until they discovered an online customs full of isolated, ostracized people like themselves — people who had lost someone to suicide or attempted suicide themselves because their families, friends and church customs had written them off for making mistakes, for being human.

The church calls it being "disfellowshipped." Members can return if they repent, change the behavior and prove themselves worthy of existence reinstated. Only unless or until that happens, members are encouraged to avert the sinners, especially those who leave the faith.

Mothers get years, fifty-fifty decades, without talking to their children. Siblings write off siblings. Friends shun friends.

An estimated 70,000 Jehovah's Witnesses are disfellowshipped every year — roughly 1% of the church's total population, co-ordinate to information published past the Watchtower. Their names are published at local Kingdom Halls. Of those, two-thirds never return.

Within a organized religion representing 8.iv million people worldwide, still, many members believe the religion is pure, skillful and loving. Those who are speaking against it, current members argue, are disgruntled and angry people who take an ax to grind because they were disfellowshipped. Or, they are lost souls who have misinterpreted the meaning and love behind the organized religion. Members say they believe the shunning accusations are exaggerated and that the suicides are frequently more about mental illness than ostracism.

The departed disagree.

In the world of ex-Jehovah'due south Witnesses, they maintain, the shunned are considered dead to their families, simply similar the suicide victims.

These are their stories:

'A dangerous cult'

It was a difficult conversation to wrap her 8-twelvemonth-old encephalon around.

"'You lot know your sister was being bad, right?'" Sawyer recalled her female parent telling her subsequently her sister's suicide.

" 'And what she did was stupid, right?' … To accept your own life is very wrong,' " the female parent continued.

"I didn't understand what was going on … and I said, 'Oh. OK,,' " recalled Sawyer. "In my viii-year-sometime brain I was thinking, 'When I mess upwards, my mom'due south going to hate me.' "

And then began her painful journey with the Jehovah'southward Witness faith, the religion she was built-in into and grew upwards in in Pascagoula, Miss., where her fears of abandonment took agree at the age of 8.

Sawyer believes the shunning drove her sis to suicide. After the church disfellowshipped her for getting engaged to a not-JW, the fiancé left her sister, who was thrown into depression. Her sis tried turning to her mother for consolation, but her mom would read scripture and tell her, "until you start acting right, y'all're going to accept these bad things happen to you."

Bad things happened to Sawyer, too. At 30, she sought a divorce from her husband because he was abusive and cheating on her, she said. But the church building elders and family pressured her to salve her union.

"I showed them the holes in my walls," Sawyer said, referring to the damage her ex-hubby did to the home during fights. "They told me to pray more … and sent me back home to him."

Sawyer took up smoking to handle the stress, which got her disfellowshipped because smoking is not allowed. She besides went through with the divorce. She ended upwards losing her home to foreclosure and turned to her mother for aid as she had 2 children to raise.

Her mother took her in temporarily, but when the church elders found out, they threatened to disfellowship Sawyer'due south mother — who let the grandkids stay, just not the daughter.

Sawyer ended up homeless for half dozen months, living out of her car in a community college parking lot. She landed on her feet with the help of a student loan. She got an apartment, a task as a hospice nurse and her children — now 10 and 18 — back. She found herself, just lost her family along the fashion.

Her mother doesn't speak to her; she said she can't recall the final time they spoke.

Her sister in Alabama hasn't spoken to her since Sawyer got divorced in 2010.

"She was on my porch, with my parents … My sister looked at me and said, 'Y'all're abandoning me only like Donna did' And left. And that's the terminal matter she always said to me."

Sawyer has kept silent about her pain for decades.

"This is a dangerous cult," she said of her former religion. "Information technology'due south important for people to realize — this is serious."

He lost his daughter

Information technology was Feb. three, 2011, when Dave Gracey was disfellowshipped at the historic period of 61 past his Utah church.

By so, he had been an elder three times — a job that troubled him as he ofttimes found himself judging and sanctioning people who had sinned in the optics of the church: Smokers. Drug users. Adulterers. Homosexuals.

"I had a terrible time with that," Gracey said. "All we were doing was chasing people effectually and catching them in their sins and kicking them out."

Only then came the solar day when the church judged his own children. That's when Gracey said he started rebelling.

In 2010, Gracey's 38-year-old daughter Laura committed suicide later a fallout with the church elders.

"It put me in an accented rage," he recalls.

According to Gracey, his daughter was the rebellious type growing upwards and suffered from mental illness. She got into drugs and became homeless at one point, merely tried to become her life in order. At 33, she got baptized and over the next iv years she was disfellowshipped twice and reinstated twice.

But in January 2010, following a meeting with church elders, Laura fatally overdosed on prescription medication. She had been living in an flat complex with other JWs in California and had a medical marijuana bill of fare for feet and stress.

Gracey suspects she told the elders near the card.

"The elders won't tell me why they met with her," Gracey said. "Obviously, she was distressed that dark, and they left her solitary. They knew how fragile my girl was … Information technology's my guess that they excommunicated her that dark, but they won't tell me. They failed to protect her in her nigh vulnerable state."

That same year, Gracey would suffer more than heartache at the hands of his church. His fourteen-year-sometime stepdaughter had been raped, he said, but the elders didn't believe her. An investigation followed and an authoritative judge and child protective services made a finding that the JWs were guilty of child maltreatment.

The church mounted a campaign to oust the Graceys, who appealed to the JW'south New York headquarters, claiming the church had harmed their girl.

On Feb. three, 2011, the Graceys were excommunicated.

"Nosotros were and then indoctrinated — we had difficulty with it," Gracey admits, noting he and his married woman officially left the faith in March 2013 after getting repeatedly shunned.

"I walked out and never came back," Gracey said. "I started kind of waking up."

Gracey, who considers himself agnostic at present, is focused on helping all of his family escape the JW organization.

"I want to expose this religion for what they really are. It is a cult that splits upwards families and separates people from life. … They seem nice on Saturday morning when they are peddling their Watchtower, but they are insidious."

'It's been a long journeying'

At 37, Spencer Tyler of Eastpointe has found her vocalism.

For years, the ex-communicated JW has been afraid to speak most her fallout with the church out of fear of upsetting her family. She knows of four ex-JWs who attempted suicide, including herself. Two friends were successful; one girl hanged herself; the man shot himself in the caput.

"This is a subject that needs awareness brought to it," Spencer said. "It's been a long journey for a lot of us. It'south a secretive cult. … I knew that speaking out and being an activist would put me in the cantankerous hairs. My mother already treats me like I am dead. And to know that I am actively speaking against the arrangement would kill her."

Tyler is not the woman's real name, only her pen name. She requested anonymity to avoid repercussions from relatives, though she's yearning to let the globe know her story.

Also many people accept suffered, she says. She can't be quiet anymore.

Tyler was born and raised in Detroit and now lives in Eastpointe. She grew up in the Jehovah's Witness community and married an elder's son. They have two children, ages 11 and 8.

Tyler, who has suffered from depression virtually of her life, was excommunicated seven years ago, accused of infidelity, existence an backslider and disagreeing with the church's teachings. Her husband stuck by her and considers himself a "fader" — which means he is fading out of the faith.

Her husband has been her stone during what has been a tumultuous last seven years. Since getting disfellowshipped, she was hospitalized several times for depression and went through suicidal periods.

But her mother never came to see her, she said. Nor did anyone from the church building.

"I've been surviving, trying to figure out what my life is now without the cult. Will I e'er see my mother again?" Tyler said. "I can't think the last fourth dimension I saw her. Mayhap three years agone? Information technology's been awhile."

Tyler and her family take found a new Christian church on Detroit's e side — Grace Community Church, where they've been embraced by a whole new family. She said she and her married man recently told the congregation of their shunning experience and she could hear the gasps in the pews.

"The organization takes away so much from you — your family, your prospects," she said. "Information technology's a deep nighttime abyss that they put you in."

Tyler said she was moved to become public with her story following the recent murder-suicide in Keego Harbor. When she learned the shooter was a shunned JW, she cringed, as did many others who believe the ostracism played a role in the killing. With no 1 to turn to, they said, her world went dark.

"I just feel similar she was and then desperate," Tyler said. "And so many of the states have been in that location."

'I've been sick over this'

For Californian Kerry Kaye, the Keego Harbor killings triggered a host of emotions: anger, pain, frustration.

She, too, is part of the ex-JW community and lost a very proficient friend to suicide more than 20 years ago.

"I've but been sick over this. It brings back a lot of memories," Kaye said of the Michigan killings in a recent telephone interview.

Kaye was in her early 20s when her friend committed suicide after being disfellowshipped for getting pregnant out of wedlock. The woman was 20 years old and seven months meaning at the time. Kaye said her friend tried to become back into the church, merely the elders told her, "No, you need more fourth dimension. You lot're not qualified to come back."

That day, the friend went dwelling and shot herself in the heart, Kaye said.

"If you're in the organisation, y'all empathise the depression and despair," said Kaye, who explained that when someone gets disfellowshipped, word spreads fast in the church building. She admits that she once shunned her own male parent at the management of the church.

"The moment they make an announcement, you lot're not allowed to have contact with them any. You take to pretend they're expressionless," Kaye said. "That'due south how they control the people. Information technology's a fear tactic. It's to keep them in the cult, nether their control."

Kaye was 24 when she left the church. Her father had left the faith a few years earlier afterwards the church pressured him to leave his government job, telling him he had to cull the faith or his work. He picked the chore and disassociated himself.

Kaye said she was forced to shun her father, or face consequences.

"I didn't talk to my male parent for nearly two years, and then I finally had enough," Kaye said. "I started to try to make an escape."

It wasn't like shooting fish in a barrel. After she left, she said, she became suicidal. Doctors intervened and saved her life, she said. Eventually, she moved away from her hometown to raise her three children on her own, outside the arrangement. They are all college-educated now and thriving, she said. And she has found peace as she has defended herself to helping others who feel trapped in the religion.

"I'm wonderful since I left," Kaye said. "My mission is to aid other people. When unabridged families are destroyed — it makes all of us who have been involved in this cult very angry. We want people to know what is really going on."

'Nosotros beloved anybody'

According to the JW.org website, at that place are 8.iv one thousand thousand Jehovah's Witnesses worldwide, including 1.2 meg in the U.Southward.

"Nosotros come up from hundreds of ethnic and language backgrounds, even so nosotros are united past mutual goals. Above all, we desire to honor Jehovah, the God of the Bible and the Creator of all things," the grouping states on its website. "We do our best to imitate Jesus Christ and are proud to be called Christians. Each of us regularly spends time helping people learn well-nigh the Bible and God'southward Kingdom. Because we witness, or talk, about Jehovah God and his Kingdom, we are known every bit Jehovah's Witnesses."

The Jehovah'southward Witness national organization did not render calls and e-mails from the Free Press for annotate on the subject of disfellowshipping. Multiple members and elders were contacted, but all declined to speak on the tape, many saying they were not authorized to publicly comment on scripture and church teachings.

Post-obit the Keego Harbor killings, however, numerous current Jehovah'southward Witnesses contacted the Costless Press to defend their religion, stressing it's well-nigh unconditional love, peace, helping people and having an unwavering delivery to God and Jesus Christ.

Only like many religions, they said, there are rules to follow — similar no stealing, killing, committing infidelity, smoking or getting intoxicated on alcohol or drugs. If one commits whatsoever of these acts, they can exist disfellowshipped — just they can get dorsum in if they truly repent and change their behavior.

"From my perspective, we don't see shunning like they're an evil person or out of God'due south grace. We but run across it as you lot were put in the corner. … it's a time-out. The person is going through their journey and if they don't desire to come back, they don't," said Danny, a 28-year-sometime lifelong Jehovah's Witness from New Jersey who requested that only his beginning name be used.

Danny stressed that disfellowshipping is meant to be temporary, with the goal of having the person return to the religion. The church urges members not to socialize with the disfellowshipped exterior church, he said, noting there are two reasons for doing so: One, this teaches a person to await within, take responsibleness for what they did and fix their problem. Second, the sinner's actions can take an outcome on the group as a whole, then they need to keep their distance then not to hurt the group until they fully repent.

"We're non perfect. Nosotros probably take bad things that weren't handled properly … and so people are resentful," Danny said.

But, he stressed: "We try to emphasize that we beloved everyone."

Another Jehovah'south Witness who contacted the newspaper said disfellowshipping is mandated by the Bible, simply that it's non just "something we practice arbitrarily."

"Believe me, my hubby is an elder. It is not something that is done hastily, but rather a process that takes fourth dimension and a lot of thought and evidence gathering," said the woman.

Unfortunately, she said, those who leave the organized religion ofttimes practise and then on bad terms and terminate up feeling hurt and resentful.

"They are disgruntled and carrying a grudge and want to effort to discredit us, if they can. Again, zilch that we're not expecting," she said, stressing the shunning isn't meant to damage.

"It is actually — although seemingly a contradiction — something done of love and concern," the woman said of disfellowshipping. "Many thousands have returned to the 'fold' as a outcome and take been able to 'deport on in the faith.' "

Misunderstood

Schmalz, the religious studies professor, said the JW faith is often misunderstood by mainstream Christians. Their beliefs may seem "unorthodox" to other religious groups and their rules besides strict or extreme, he said.

But Jehovah'due south Witnesses have rational reasons for much of what they believe and do, he said.

Jehovah's Witnesses, he said, believe in a "great cataclysm" — that "'the terminate is near' is continually imminent."

When you are brought upwards with that kind of belief within a strong and tightly-knit religious setting, he said, it is difficult to shake.

"This conventionalities in Armageddon — which is central to the Jehovah's Witness worldview — is something that still retains its power — fifty-fifty for people who have left," Schmalz said, who teaches a course in modern religious movements, with discussions well-nigh Jehovah's Witnesses and Scientology.

Schmalz said Jehovah'south Witnesses aren't alone in the practice of shunning — the Amish and other Mennonite groups ostracize those who exit the faith, too.

He said JWs have ii goals in mind when they disfellowship someone: I, they demand a mechanism to discipline people who don't abide by the tenets; Second, they are trying to create a pure community whose members adhere to the group'due south beliefs and tenets consistently.

This practice, he concedes, can exist harmful. Merely there is a rationale for it, he said.

"How is disfellowshipping really that different from tough love — where you hold people answerable for their deportment? Information technology'southward a complicated question," said Schmalz, who is opposed to using the word "cult" to describe the Jehovah's Witness church.

"We should await at the Jehovah's Witnesses not as a bizarre religious group, but as a religion that has its own internal ways of discipline," he said, conceding: "They can exist very harsh and have very unintended and tragic consequences."

Contact Tresa Baldas: tbaldas@freepress.com. Follow her on Twitter @Tbaldas.

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Source: https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/2018/03/18/jehovahs-witnesses-murder-suicide-keego-harbor/409695002/

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